Tag Archives: losing weight

Restarting My Health Journey for the Millionth Time

I hate writing these posts. I hate putting it out there. I’ve done it too many times. I’ve started and stopped my health and fitness journey more times than I can count. I lose the weight, then I gain it back and then some. It’s discouraging. It’s scary. And I hate it.

And yet, instead of changing things all those others times I stopped and started, here I am starting again. I’m not going to say it’s the last time, because that sets me up for failure. But this time, I have to work as hard as possible. I can’t let myself feel defeat. I have to push. If I don’t see results right away, I need to be patient and work harder.

I need to know that it was a long process to put this weight on, and it’s going to be a long process to take it off. It’s not going to happen overnight. But I can do this.

Why this post on a Monday morning? Because I’m starting my health journey for the millionth time this morning. I’m refocusing myself. I’m reminding myself that I have to do this. I can’t keep living at the weight I’m at. It’s not healthy. It’s not about appearance anymore. It’s about my health. And that needs to change.

In less than a year, I will be getting married. Yes, we will finally set a date. In two months, I start trying on wedding dresses. While I know, in two months, I won’t be anywhere close to my goal, I hope to be down at least 10 pounds. I know dresses can be taken in, and that’s my plan.

I know a year is plenty of time to lost the amount of weight I need to lose (around 65 lbs). But I’m just going to focus on doing the best I can do.

So here we go. Starting over again. But this time, I feel like the switch finally turned on and I’m ready to do this.

I Can. I Will. I Am Going to Lose the Weight.

I’m frustrated. I’m upset. And I’m angry at myself.

I know. It sounds harsh. But I think it’s time to be a bit harsh on myself.

I’m really struggling to lose weight. What started as a 30 pound journey in 2009, has gradually grown into a 40, than a 50 and now a nearly 60 pound weight loss. Which completely blows my mind.

I’m mad because I can’t believe I allowed myself to get to this place.

I’m angry because I didn’t see it happening. I was in denial. I didn’t believe I was gaining that much, even as that scale creeped up.

I’m frustrated because I’m having a hard time seeing the needle move.

I know it’s not all about the number. But when you have nearly 60 lbs to lose, let’s be real, it is all about the number.

With our trip to Vegas looming in just over 70 days, with wedding planning and all that goes with it (including shopping for that perfect dress), it’s time to stop being lazy and start facing my weight. I’ve been trying to do that for weeks, but have been nonchalant about it. If I eat poorly, I shrug it off and say I’ll do better tomorrow. No more. It’s time to be strict with myself again. Not restrictive. Just strict.

i can i will correct

Here is my plan.

  •  Weigh myself weekly. I hate the scale. If I could get away with not owning a scale I would. But right now, I need to see that number to validate the hard work. I also will be watching the BF percentage closely.
  • Low-carb/low-sugar/high protein. I know low carb works for me. I also know I feel a lot better without all of the breads in my life. We’ve wondered for a long time if I have a gluten intolerance, and that could be attributing to a lot of my issues. At least going low-carb will help significantly.
  • Less dairy. I love dairy. Dairy does not love me. I love cream cheese, regular cheese, pretty much any cheese. I’ve already learned I can’t eat yogurt anymore, and since yogurt makes my belly angry, cheese will too. If I’m going to have it, it’s either a little bit of cream cheese in the morning, or feta cheese on my salad. I already drink almond milk in cereal and coffee, so that will be an easy adjustment.
  • Drink black coffee. I’ve been testing the waters with drinking black coffee in the morning. And I like it. Even though I drink almond milk in my coffee, drinking it black in the morning will make it a bit more pure and save on the calories.
  • Drink more tea.
  • Less alcohol. I don’t drink much as it is (only on the weekends), but I plan on cutting back how much on the weekends as well as what I’m drinking. I LOVE beer. Especially a good craft beer. But if I’m trying to stay low-carb, then beer is not a good option. I’ll probably stick to ciders or wine, when I do indulge.
  • Nutritional shakes for breakfast. Last winter, I did a Shakeology challenge with a friend. I loved the shakes for breakfast and found I felt so much better throughout the day. I’m getting samples of Vega’s nutritional shakes to try (I like that they are all-natural, gluten-free, etc.). If I like those, I’ll buy a tub or two and make those my breakfast in the morning. A good healthy start to the day.
  • Take my vitamins and supplements daily. I have a Vitamin D deficiency and I’ve been pretty horrible about taking my supplements. It’s time to get back on track with my daily dose, along with the rest of my vitamins to keep myself healthy.
  • Exercise 5-6 times per week. This will be the hardest for me. Getting to the gym is my biggest challenge. But I will make it. And I will work out at least once a day, 5-6 times a week.
  • Stay optimistic. It took me years to put this weight on, I know it’s not going to come off overnight. I need to stay focused, and optimistic. I have a habit of giving up if I don’t see results right away. I have to remind myself that a loss is a loss. Whether it’s 4 pounds or a 1/2 lb. It’s still a loss.

The good news. I started back on this journey right around the new year (I know, so cliche), and have been very conscious of what I’ve been eating. The bad news. I haven’t gotten into my exercise groove yet, and I’m still splurging a bit too much.

Back at it. Here we go.

New Signature

Fighting the Scale

I’ve been fighting the scale my entire life. We’ve argued, we’ve celebrated, we’ve cried, we’ve made up, but our favorite thing to do is fight.

I’ve relied on that number glowing back at me (or being pointed at) for as long as I can remember. I’ve never had a good relationship with the scale. I rarely like what it had to tell me. In fact, 9 times out of 10, I was so upset after getting off the scale my day was ruined (that might be a bit dramatic…)

Even going to a doctor’s appointment has become a battle. The first thing I’m asked when I visit my doctor is ‘Can we get a weight for you?’ Unless I’m going for my annual physical, the answer is no. You don’t need to get a weight for me if I’m there for a sinus infection.

This time last year, I was convinced my scale was lying to me. I saw a number looking back at me that I swore I would never see again. I was angry. I was mad. I was depressed. I was upset. I was in disbelief.

The number was wrong. The scale was WRONG. I tried to reason with it. This can’t be true.

But it was true. I was in denial. I had added nearly 40 more pounds to a frame that had managed to get down to a healthy weight just a couple of years prior. I stopped talking to my scale. We weren’t friends anymore.

Here we are a year later. I’ve worked out (not as consistently as I should have), I’ve cleaned up my diet (not as much as I should..but I will!). And I’m determined (more so than ever). But most importantly, I’m learning to not fight my scale.

Our relationship has improved. I no longer blame my scale for the number looking back at me. After all, it’s just the messenger. I know my scale is not ‘off’ and is registering the wrong weight (it’s digital). I know my scale is not out to sabotage me and ruin my life (Actually, the jury is still out on that one…)

What I do know?
I am the only one responsible for my weight. And I’m learning to love me for me. All 190 pounds of me. And instead of focusing on how awful I may feel, I’m focusing on exercise and eating healthy. And I know my body, and the scale, will love that.

In the end, I know I will lose the weight. I know, I’ll get fit and healthy and I know it’s not going to be an easy road, but it will be damn worth it in the end.

What have I learned?

  • Focus on building a good relationship with your scale. If you can’t, throw it out. You will drive yourself crazy if you constantly focus on what it’s telling you.

  • If you can’t part with it, don’t rely on it. Step on it once a week at most. Even less is better.

  • Judge your body by how you feel, and how your clothes fit.

And when you do step on the scale, you’ll no longer feel the need to fight it.

5 down. 35 to go.

I promise. I have not been lazy… Okay, I’m lying. I’ve totally been lazy. But only because I’ve been sick. And not just with a cold. I finally went to the doctors and yep, sinus infection. On the plus side, my voice is finally coming back. If you consider the honking and squeaking instead of words, coming back.

I have to say. Despite being sick, I’ve maintained my eating healthy and calorie counting. I’ve splurged a little bit on comfort food (grilled cheese, ramen noodles, etc.) but made sure I stayed in my daily limit. And it paid off!

I got on the scale this morning and had officially lost 5 pounds!

I know it doesn’t see like a lot…but I can definitely already feel my pants loosening up and just feeling overall a lot better health wise. As soon as the coughing subsides, back to to the gym I go. I mean, I need to lose another 5 before I head to DC in March.

Okay short post today. Just be forewarned… When I lose another five, you may see the Carlton dance happen.

The Five Stages of Grief

You know that moment when something happens to you that is so profound that it literally makes your jaw drop to the floor. Have you ever had that moment happen to you after stepping on a scale? Because I have. In fact, it happened this morning. And not in a good way.

I have a FitBit Aria Scale. It doesn’t lie. It is probably the most dead on scale I have ever owned. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s too dead on.

See, sometimes I like my scale to lie to me. Just a little bit. If I’ve gained 3 pounds, I want it to tell me I have only gained 2.5 lbs, just to make me feel better (I’m convinced my old scale did this. I’m also convinced it was not good for my head.)

I’ve been telling lying to myself for weeks now that I’m jumping back on the healthy wagon. And everyday something comes up, and suddenly I find myself gorging on pizza. And then I try to justify it by telling myself “It’s okay. You ate healthy the rest of the day!” Clearly I’m just lying to myself.

We just moved into a new apartment. Granted, we bought lots of healthy foods and we cook, but we also bought a lot of beer and wine. Because if friends come over, we have to be ready!

So this morning, I decided that Weight Watchers Round 10 was going to begin. I was prepared and ready to go. Last week, I had jumped on above scale and saw that I had only gained 2 pounds through the holidays. Instant win in my book, even though I was still closing in on my post-college graduation weight. Convinced that I had probably lost a pound or two since then because I was eating healthier, I hopped on the scale.

I have never seen my scale jump to a number so fast in my life!

Nor did I like the number staring back at me.

187.4 HOLY CRAP!

I think I went through every stage of grief at 6:30 this morning while looking at the scale.

  1. Denial: ‘No frickin’ way! You are lying to me! I’ve been SOOOO good all week.’ (hops off scale and checks it) ‘Maybe your just off balance…’ (Good try, it’s on a tile floor). ‘Are the batteries dying?’ (Brand new!)

  2. Anger: No, I wasn’t angry at the scale. Even though its totally the scales fault. I was so angry at myself for even LETTING myself get back to this point. I had promised myself I would never see that number on the scale again. And here I was, nearly 5 years later, back at that point.

  3. Bargaining: ‘Now, if I get back on you, you’re going to show a MUCH lower number this time, because come on. Really? I’m not that heavy,”

For the record…. I am that heavy.

  1. Depression: Yes. I cried. It SUCKED seeing that number staring back at me. It was horrible and a god awful way to start my day.

  2. Acceptance: And then it hit me. This is nobody’s fault but my own. No one forced food down my throat, or told me to have one more beer. It was all me.


Which means, it’s on me to conquer it.

I can officially say things can only go up from here (or hopefully down in my case)!